I feel stupid. I used to have a boyfriend, J, for over seven years. It turned out very ugly at the end and we have today no contact what so ever. And this weekend his sister had a party and she posted some pics from it. I looked through them and saw some old friends and that was fun. A little bit later I looked through them again - and I had missed that my ex was in one of the pics. I did NOT recognize him!! He was a huge part of my life (hmm my whole life...) for over seven years and six years later I can't see that it is him. Of course I can see that it is him now but he has changed a bit. He looks bigger and his posture was different. I don't know.
And now I can not stop thinking about him...why? We had some fun times together and I will treasure that for the rest of my life but mostly we were fighting and I was miserable that I couldnt be that girl he wanted me to be. I was desperately trying to act the way he wanted. Dress the way he wanted. Do whatever he thought I should do.
I miss his family. His sister is the best! And her children...they did'nt recognize me when I met them about two years ago. That broke my heart. That is the worst about breaking up with someone...that I have lost contact with so many great people.
J forbid me to have contact with his family when we broke up. I think he did'nt want me to tell his family how he had treated me. And about 2 years ago his sister contacted me and she said: just becuse you and my brother broke up did'nt mean that you and I couldnt be friends anymore?! I had no good answer....
And his parents came up to me at work and bought some stuff and I said that it felt strange meeting them again, they said: Well we have forgotten all about that now... Saywhat??!! What did he tell them?
But mostly of all I remember J:s grandmother. She went in to a hospital and was very sick. She NEEDED her slippers so she called ME a sunday morning at 7 am and said that she needed them. She was almost crying. I put some clothes on and went to her home and picked them up and went to the hospital and spent a few hours talking to her. I really loved her and she loved me. She was crying that I was the one coming to her resque but she was grateful for it. This was just before our breakup and she died shortly after that. J did'nt want me to have anything to do with his family so I did'nt attend to the funeral. I think of her from time to time. I really miss her. I hope I get to meet her one day!
Love,
M
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I've been through similiar circumstances in my life. After time it seems as if you're living in a different world entirely but the emotional attachments never go away.
ReplyDeleteThat is so very true!! Could not have said it better :)
ReplyDeleteWe never forget people we once loved. That is the emotional baggage we carry around. From time to time we take a look at the baggage. But it's baggage for a reason... because when we have baggage, it means we are going someplace else.
ReplyDeleteI have said this before. Your Knight in shining armour is out there somewhere. He, like you, is: waiting, looking and searching...for YOU!
Graham.
Reading this made me get tears in my eyes Graham. I am so lucky to have you as a friend! Thank you!
ReplyDelete