I finally made the call!

I feel like I need to write somewhere to get some thoughts out of my head and this should be a good place.....
I have finally done it. I called a doctor. I am honestly proud of myself.
Was so nervous when I called that they would tell me that I'm just imagining this and that I should continue doing what I have been doing. But the nurse who answered listened to everything I told her and she had some opinions but they were honest and good. She booked a time for me to see a doctor last Friday.

So I went there Friday morning and I was so nervous that I couldn't sit still. I thank god for Twitter and other apps on my iPhone :)
The doctor who saw me listened carefully while the tears were running down my chins and I made a decent try to explain why I am feeling the way I do. He wrote down some of the things that I told him. And he understood! He understood why I am feeling the way I do. What a relief!

This is not something that has come up the last couple of months. This goes back to where I was a little child. I have some very important issues to deal with and the doctor said that it was good that I called him. He is going to send me to a psychologist. Don't know when I get my first appointment but I hope it's soon. I want to get out of this bad circle that I'm in. I can't get out of it. I need help.

I'm going to see this doctor in a couple of weeks again. He gave me something to think about.

Anti-depressive medicin.

Wow! I never ever thought that I would eat those. But I am willing to do ANYTHING to make myself better. Anything!
For as of now...I honestly hate myself. Because I am not me anymore.

Love,
M